We’re not really sure when it happened, but it has become a tacit crime to feel any kind of human attraction based purely on a woman’s physical appearance.  Why?  We all know women select their mates by seemingly shallow criteria like social clout and wealth (which we’ll find out is also natural), so why do they get a pass?  There is a non-scientific bent in popular culture that wants to shame you for what you find beautiful.  Don’t buy it.  It’s not logically or scientifically sound to deny nature.  This is long but worth the read, so strap in.

Getting Sciency

peacock with small fan tail
What a strange adaptation

All animals that sexually reproduce have innate selection criteria.  They evolved by the process of natural selection to appreciate certain traits in a mate.  Peacocks have huge fantails that peahens find attractive despite the tail’s obvious liability.  Think about fleeing from a predator dragging that thing around.  No, thank you.  If you ever study ducks your mind will be blown at the weirdness of their selection criteria and how their mating process works.  Don’t even get me started on duck vaginas.  The point is, the criteria for selection are beyond our conscious control.

Human Attraction

The Homo sapiens female’s selection criteria tend to revolve around how decent a provider her mate could be.  How is this guy doing on resources and future provider potential?  If we have babies, will they starve to death or will he help me make them as strong as him?  These are perfectly reasonable questions to ask as a selector.  The problem is, the questions never get asked outside the subconscious.  Most women are no more aware of that process than peahens.  Neither are most men, but that’s all part of human attraction.1

facial symmetry
Makeup can fool you into thinking the face is more symmetrical

Men’s selection criteria are a lot more simple, but they’re even more subconscious.  Society wants you to select on the basis of intellect, or artistic ability, or personality.  At some point, though, we need to call bullshit and just accept that we select primarily based on physical shape.2  If she doesn’t make you bite your finger and make some guttural simian grunt, you’ll be pessimistic about sticking with her.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as a first step.

To prove the point, think back to every woman you’ve ever seen.  The ones who inspire that lust response are the ones that speak to your specific selection criteria.  Your selection criteria are not the same as mine or anyone else’s but they overlap significantly.  Some men prefer redheads with freckles.  Some prefer ultra-thin women.  Still, others prefer thick girls with massive mammaries.  The reality, though, is that the attraction Venn diagram usually overlaps in a couple key areas.  Facial symmetry3 and hip-to-waist ratio.4

Beetles Bumping Uglies with Beer Bottles

jewel beetles banging a stubby
Weird beetle porn

Australia has the weirdest animals.  Among them is a species of beetle called the jewel beetle that looks like the picture to the left.  It’s not remarkable considering the number of beetles in the world.  Remarkable is what happened when the beetles began ‘mating’ with a particular beer bottle; the Emu Export ‘Stubby.’

Two biologists, Darryl Gwynne and David Rentz, noticed this weird behavior.5  They experimented and found out that the inventions of man are pretty good at tricking nature.  As it turns out, the bottom of the bottle was everything the male beetle was programmed by millions of years of evolution to desire.  Brown, shiny, bumpy; that all equates to ‘sexy af’ to a jewel beetle.  These poor little guys would try and try for hours to knock up the bottle.  They would not only fail but would keep trying despite the fact that ants would have them for lunch, starting at their exposed ‘junk.’  Sex is a more powerful drive than self-preservation to a beetle.

Supernormal Stimuli

bikini on the sand
Every stitch of women’s clothing is designed to accentuate

Scientists call these hijackable selection criteria ‘Supernormal Stimuli.’6  There are piles of them documented in nature and they can lead to some interesting looking animals, especially birds.  The more out of whack the trait in a male bird, the more likely the female uses it as a heavily weighted selection criterion.  It works the other way as well, but the non-selector (male) is usually just happy to smash.

People aren’t birds

Duh, but we are made of the same stuff.  Nature crawls slowly forward by ensuring that we pick stronger mates so our babies have a better chance to make even stronger babies.  We men are attracted to physical appearance for a very specific reason.  Facial symmetry indicates health.  A good hip-to-waist ratio indicates a better chance to survive childbirth.  Childbirth is pretty dangerous when there are no hospitals.  Even 150 years ago there were nearly none.  Even if we don’t know to take all advantages, our DNA does.

In humans, that hip to waist ratio thing has led to the desirability of the hourglass shape.  The thing is, there is no upper limit to the ratio.  There’s a little song you may have heard by a man named Sir Mix-A-Lot which covers this subject nicely.  He clearly expresses his desire for specific features in a potential mate, including an ‘itty-bitty waist’ and a ’round thing in yo face.’  He’s describing a biological ideal.  What about women, though?

Confidence and Resources (and shoulders)

confidence
The suit is designed to add confidence and accentuate the shoulder to waist ratio

Women love confidence.7  Confidence is an indicator of future potential as a provider.  No matter how “strong and independent” she is and no matter how much she “don’t need no man,” confidence is kryptonite.  In the modern era, ‘confident’ means at ease and funny in any situation.  Nervous people are seldom funny, at least in the right way.  How you walk, how you carry yourself, how conscious you are of your movements and your presence, it all adds up to a picture in a woman’s mind.  That picture is either positive or negative and you seldom get more than one shot at it.  It’s not just about that, though.

Physically, your shoulder to waist ratio is important.  It’s not as important to her as your confidence, but it is important.  Wider shoulders and a narrower waist indicate strength.    Your height is also important but that’s damned hard to change and even harder to fake.

Easily the most fucked up part of the female mate selection process is their uncontrollable desire to compete.  They actually find men more or less attractive based on how attractive other women find us.8  Think about that for a second.  The hotter women think you are, the hotter other women will think you are.  That is another article by itself.

Using the Information for Good

Knowing what drives your selection criteria (and hers) doesn’t do anything, in and of itself.  You need to know how to stack the deck in your favor without ‘cheating.’  Using natural advantages, especially when they’re available to everyone, isn’t cheating.  Consider the money women spend on ‘beauty.’  Beauty is a codeword for ‘hiding flaws and accentuating features.’

Hercules v taper
Hercules is always represented with huge back muscles

The practical:  Your waist needs to be smaller than your shoulders.  Lay off the Cheetos® and pick up something heavy several times a day.  It helps.  Hit the gym and focus on narrowing the waist or giving the appearance of a narrow waist.  Increase the V-taper of your torso by increasing the size of the latissimus dorsi (wings) and trapezius (shoulder) muscles.  There are programs designed specifically for this purpose.

Read.  A lot.  This website is a good place to start.  Increased knowledge makes you more interesting and hence more confident.  Learn jokes, timing, and quick wit.  Wit is like a muscle.  The more you work it, the better it becomes.  Develop opinions that are your own and be able to defend them.  Easier said than done, but you need to do it.  There are countless douchebags out there who have the look, but not the brain; or the brain without the look.  Bring both.  That wins every time.

Stick with us and we’ll dial you in.

Citations

1.
SAGE Journals: Your gateway to world-class journal research. Sage Journals Available at: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167215590987. (Accessed: 4th April 2017)
2.
Men still value physical attractiveness in a long-term mate more than women: . APA Available at: http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/psp/106/3/435/. (Accessed: 4th April 2017)
4.
Assessment of Waist-to-Hip Ratio Attractiveness in Women: An Anthropometric Analysis of Digital Silhouettes. SpringerLink Available at: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-013-0166-1. (Accessed: 4th April 2017)
5.
The Love That Dared Not Speak Its Name, Of A Beetle For A Beer Bottle. NPR.org Available at: http://www.npr.org/sections/krulwich/2013/06/19/193493225/the-love-that-dared-not-speak-its-name-of-a-beetle-for-a-beer-bottle. (Accessed: 4th April 2017)
6.
Supernormal Stimuli | W. W. Norton & Company . W. W. Norton & Company, Inc. Available at: http://books.wwnorton.com/books/Supernormal-Stimuli/. (Accessed: 4th April 2017)
7.
SAGE Journals: Your gateway to world-class journal research. Sage Journals Available at: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/147470491301100107. (Accessed: 4th April 2017)
8.
SAGE Journals: Your gateway to world-class journal research. Sage Journals Available at: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1474704916652144. (Accessed: 4th April 2017)

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